But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
