I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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