If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was like having sex with a tree stump
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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