I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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