At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
