marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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