I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
