I have demons in me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize