dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
