I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
