And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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