Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
