here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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