I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
