that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
