I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
