I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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