between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize