He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
God I need to hump something, right now.
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