feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
