I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
