wat bout pragnant strippers??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
