Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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