capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
