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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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