If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize