I will die if light touches me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
