We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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