wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
