The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
