In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
