She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
