Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
