Can Purell be used as lube?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
