Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
