i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
