apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you inspire me to be a worse person
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
