"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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