A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
