I'm drive I can fine osifer
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize