apparently the secret to your success is patron
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
