If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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