Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Too much gin, very little bucket
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
