The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
