We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
