Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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