how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
