The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
