I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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