this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
