Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
