I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
