Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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