imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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