he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize