I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
