I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
