Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
