So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
