I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
