Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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