i would punch a child for taco bell
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
