so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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