At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
