dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize