Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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