My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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