I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
