i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
