I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
