I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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