It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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