i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
