Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
