I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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