It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
