I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
