This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
