Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
