Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
MIDGETS
????
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
