Welp...herpes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
