Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
