Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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