Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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