It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
