So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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