I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
