do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Randomize