Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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