She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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