Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How does one acquire holy water?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
