I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
