another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize