I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
