hotel room ftw
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
