WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
