i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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