WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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