what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
