So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
