please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
