Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
