Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
