Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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