it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
