Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
