Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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