Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
