is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
