She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just high enough for therapy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
